A few incredible travel opportunities have rolled into the inbox in the past few weeks: London, Glasgow, South Africa, Istanbul. They’re all places I’d really love to go and if the opportunity had arisen a year ago, I’d have been all over it.
It was hard to leave Francisco behind at home as I traveled to Chile and Brazil and St. Kitts last year, not because I’m some needy, co-dependent spouse (ok, well, kind of), but because we really spend all of our time together and all of our experiences and thoughts bounce back and forth as if we were one person instead of two. So when I’m out there alone in the world, I really do feel like my other half is missing. God bless Skype.
Anyhow… it was hard to leave him behind, but I could do it, the main reason being because he was so happy to see me out in the world. He embodies the peculiar Cuban trait of being genuinely happy for others without envy or anoranza.
This year, we’re in a different place.
It’s not just the fact that we have a daughter now, though that’s a definite factor; it’s also that Francisco’s immigration status problem (a drama I’ve written about or around here and here) remains unresolved and isn’t likely to change anytime soon. I could leave Mariel with him and travel, or I could find a way to bring her along and leave him at home, but neither feels like a true option.
A few weeks back, we talked about all this under a piercing blue sky while standing on the subway platform and made the decision easily: We won’t travel unless the three of us can travel together.* That decision leaves us with the United States and US territories as our potential stomping grounds. No offense to my home country, but that could make me feel really sad: There’s so much of the world to see and I’m really happiest in Latin America… Mexico, specifically.
But absolute happiness isn’t ultimately about where I am. It’s about who I’m with.
I could go to London, Glasgow, South Africa, or Istanbul, but I’d spend a good chunk of my time there wanting to be sharing the trip with them or wondering what new experience in Mariel’s development I was missing.
And so, for now, I can say no to South Africa and not feel all torn up about it.
I’m exactly where I want and need to be.
*One potential exception being a trip to Cuba so I can take Mariel to see his family.