The Sleeper and the Sleepless

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You already know I sleep a lot more than usual.

Francisco, on the other hand, has become an insomniac.

Kind of imbues new meaning on the phrase from Neruda’s poem engraved on our wedding bands:

“toda la noche caminamos         “we were sleepwalking all night long
durmiendo                                         and we awoke,
y cuando despertamos                 you were intact and new.”
eras intacta y nueva…”

It’s been a strange time for both of us. Our custom–another ritual we never really discussed but just fell into–was always to go to bed together and wake up at the same time. Now, I awake in the middle of the night– 2 AM, 3:15, 4:30, even 6–and he’s still awake, writing, reading, steadily chipping away at Netflix’s extensive movie collection.

“I just can’t sleep,” he told me yesterday. “I worry all the time. About money. About finding a new apartment….” And the list went on and on.

And I realized that while I’ve been worried about those things too, they’re not really important in the bigger scheme of things.  Lots of kids have been born and raised in smaller homes with far fewer resources. In the big picture of the world, we’re privileged and our child won’t really lack for anything that’s truly important.

I tried to explain this to Francisco, to give him the peace he needs to sleep. But still, in the middle of the night, I rolled over and found an empty space on his side of the bed.

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3 responses »

  1. I loved this blog because it is so true. You nor your husband wouldn’t be human if you didn’t worry the entire first trimester(at least)of the pregnancy away. Getting pregnant happens when it is supposed to happen- all of the rest will fall into place. As crazy as you will become with worry just relax and enjoy every minute.

  2. Thanks, Allie! I’m trying to relax– and trying to get him to relax, too! 🙂 Hearing from other moms and dads helps a lot!

  3. Julie,

    My husband is still a wreck but not as bad as he was during the pregnancy and first five months of our sons life. I really love your blog- I kept a journal but would have preferred to do it this way. I never thought! What is your due date?

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